I Fall Back In

i was warm from the beer as we sat in that bar

that reminded me of a pub from the town where i grew up

and maybe it was the band playing country blues guitar

and maybe it was the alcohol in my blood

but when i looked at you with stars in my eyes

i decided for the 100th time that i was in love

every time i fall out of love with you

i fall back in

sometimes all it takes is the perfect time and the perfect place

i fall back in

we went out to the street to share a cigarette

and we swore it would be our last pack

we ran into some friends

who were on their way to a bluegrass jam

and we lingered on the sidewalk for a while

and when i saw how you talked with them

your posture and your grin

i fell in love with you all over again

before long it was time to head back home

and those country blues were still ringing in my ears

we stopped to get some pizza and went home to watch a movie and i said "i could do this every night for 1000 years"

i fell asleep on the couch

and when you woke me up to go to bed

"come on sleepyhead"

was all you said

Throughout this site and these songs, you'll read a lot about Julien. To the extent that people have any "souliness" to them, and that that "souliness" quality can recognize itself in others... Julien is my one of those. I'm having a hard time believing that this is the best way I can put it, and yet, here we are.

Some time in 2010, when J and I had been encoupled for almost five years, I started to have doubts and misgivings. I felt like nothing more than a roommate sometimes, and I wasn't sure if we were still together because we were in love, or because all my CDs were mixed in with his. I called Cat (my older sister) and asked her what I should do or not do about it. She provided sage counsel and told me something like this: "There will always be ups and downs in your relationship and this is just one of the downs. Wait it out - give yourself the chance to fall in love again. If it doesn't happen in a few months, then you'll know." A few weeks later, I found myself on the date I recount in I Fall Back In. We went to Le Divan Orange to see Cuff the Duke, an excellent Canadian alt-country band fronted by Wayne Petti. They don't play "country blues" really, but that kinda scanned well, so I just used some poetic license there. I remember looking over at J, who was in his element (listening to music, talking to people about music, analyzing music) and thinking "Oh yes of course! Well, that's alright then."

This song is about how one relationship contains many small relationships and how I succeeded in quitting smoking and how one time Julien took me on a really excellent date. I'm pretty sure it was my birthday. Also, Cuff the Duke ended up playing at our wedding, which is pretty wonderful.