Standing in Lake Ontario
setting the pace for the day as she opens her eyes
she ran so far last night
setting the pace for the day as she opens her eyes
she smells the lake on her skin
and she doesn't remember why she decided to swim
but she's suddenly glad that she went in
up to her waist in the lake
filling her hands with the water
filling her eyes with the sky
and it wasn't for anyone's sake
she wasn't anyone's daughter
lover sister or friend
she was the girl in the water
going off the deep end
she tries to hold on to the night as it trickles away
rigor mortis holds her in place
she tries to hold on to the calm as her dreams dissipate
she stares at the ceiling grinding her teeth
the sun slicing into the room takes the last of her sleep
the morning is broken... and so is she
but up to her waist in the lake
all that she felt was freedom
breathless and warm in the night
never believing in fate
being beholden to no one
not bothering with goodbyes
she planted her feet on the rocks
and fell into a dive
he followed her and brought her home
and she had seaweed in her hair
and he didn't care
up to her waist in the lake
coasting on distant thunder
riding a fading high
no one knew quite what to make of her
standing alone in the harbour
on a grey evening in july
as she planted her feet on the rocks
and fell into a dive
Hey, guess what? When you are in your thirties, almost everything you did in your twenties seems really, really dumb! Hoooraaaaay!!! Just kidding, I like so many songs I wrote when I was in my twenties. "We Were Lions" is a total classic. But this song is a bit cringey for me to look back on. I wrote it during an emotionally turbulent time when I was starting to generate the romance feelings for the guy I ended up marrying. See, once upon a time, back when I was studying music at Queen's, Julien and I were friends. We met through mutual friends at school and eventually settled into a very cozy group and it was all quite platonic and normal. Then things began to destabilize. Our mutual friends started telling me that Julien like liked me (!!!) and I felt horrible about it. I didn't think I like liked him back, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I didn't want to wreck our friendship, and I also didn't really want to date him. So I went and stood in the lake about it. I mean, that part is true. It's so embarrassing, but true. I saw a little duckling swimming by itself and got all heartbroken about it. I had to squelch the long walk back to my rental house in a soggy black peasant skirt, and I thought I looked tragic and mysterious, but I probably just looked like a dingbat.
Slowly, slowly, my feelings for Julien changed from "like" to "like like" to "love" to "love love" and that's where we're at today. I do not feel any desire to go stand in a lake and brood about it whatsoever, and isn't that just #relationshipgoals?